all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
