I hate your face
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
