You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
