She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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