i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
