Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
