I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Randomize
