Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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