i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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