Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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