Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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