Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
