I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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