She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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