Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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