So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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