I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
