dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize