Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
