Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
