we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
