there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
