so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
