so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
