Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I don't deserve a penis
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
