dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
