I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
