It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
