you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
