Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
