woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
