Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
