Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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