I wannas sexs uuuuu
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
