you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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