i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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