Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
