this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
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