yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
