dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
