He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
