You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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