Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
