Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i dont even know how to be here
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize