Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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