Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
