It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize