God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
