Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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