I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
