When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
