no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
