Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
