I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize