Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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