my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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