Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
