Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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