So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
