I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
