And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
