i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
