I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
