you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
