Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
