im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
