he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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