We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
