it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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