Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
