do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
