So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
