ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
