there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
