the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
