yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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