Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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