1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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