its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
