now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
